The Boyfriend and OKC (Part One): Desperate Men and Shy Women

Oh. Em. Gee! You guys!!!! Yes, I'm dating the most amazing man ever, who loves me so much that not only does he support me blogging about our love life, but look! He wrote the very first guest post (requests for more guest posts coming soon--big thanks for my volunteers!) to be featured here! *le sigh* I'm a lucky lucky lady... But without further ado, an introduction to online dating, in his own words...

Hello to everyone out there. Here I am... Man friend, boyfriend, beau_vierge, whatever you want to call me (I don’t need to be anon, but Belle wants to be, and I support that). Belle asked for guest posts, and I finally got the time to write one. So here it goes.*

*Warning, this post will read like it’s written by an engineer. Sorry, I can’t help it. It may contain math, statistics, and excessive logic.

I joined OKC back in April of 2010. Yeah, that’s a crazy long time ago. OKC was a new site at the time, and I LOVED the statistics it used. Match percentages, algorithms, and the best part, OKTrends. I had tried a few dating websites before, but only free ones. I looked at the pay dating sites, but they are all run like scams. Sure, just sign right up, and then we’ll tell you how much the monthly cost is...

More than them not saying the price, the worst part about pay dating sites is the incentives. The incentive is for them to make money, right? Well, the billing system is set up on a unit time basis... So the longer you are on the dating site, the more money they make. Sounds like their incentive is for you NOT to find dates. For a more detailed explanation, check out this website: http://static.izs.me/why-you-should-never-pay-for-online-dating.html

Note that it’s an archived page because OKTrends took it down... Which brings me to yet another reason I am excessively lucky. I found Belle just after Match.com acquired OKC, and thus their website is in decline, and my favorite part, OKTrends, died. As a result, I would have quit the site and missed meeting the woman of my dreams.

But this isn’t what you came here for, listening to me rant about pay dating websites--it was to hear about my experience. Well, I think this is a good lead-in as to why online dating is fundamentally broken. There are two simple reasons:

1) Pay sites are in the business of keeping you single

2) Free sites have no controls to weed people out

Let me explain the general dating game as portrayed in OKTrends: Men spam women. Women don’t read spam.

Let me give you my numbers: During my roughly 1.3 years of using OKC, I had a total of 103 conversations. Of those 103, 16 were initiated by someone else (usually female, but 2 were from males). Out of those 87 messages that I sent out seeking love, I received a reply 32 times. Wow, less than half of women on the online dating site were even willing to say anything, even if it was “no, thanks” (for reference, I replied to every single one of the 16 sent to me).

Ok, so let’s finish with the numbers since I started them... Out of those 32 replies, 29 turned into a conversation consisting of several messages (what can I say, I will have a conversation with just about anybody). Out of those 29, 10 turned into an actual, real-life meeting. Out of those 10, 5 consisted of more than one meeting. And out of those 5, there was only one Belle.

Now admittedly, I probably could have turned more of those conversations into dates if it weren’t for living in a small town in the middle of nowhere STATE CENSORED BY BELLE. I would assume that living in an urban area would greatly increase my date potential. I am thankful Belle was willing to put up with a long-distance relationship, because many women aren’t, especially at our age.

So now you know the stats of my online dating experience... Stay tuned for Part Two which reveals my strategy for getting the most out of online dating, finding a special someone,** and how I got lucky.***

**Warning: May take actual effort on your part.

***The term “got lucky” could refer to having sex, but as you are on this website... Yeah, you can figure out that I mean I am dating the wonderful Belle, and despite our virginities remaining intact, am still getting lucky every time I get to talk to her, see her on skype, and yes, have all the non-sex sex we can.

Guest Post at "How to Lose Your Virginity"

Confession: I have been holding out on y'all for awhile now. Therese over at "How to Lose Your Virginity" aka one of my favorite blogs, contacted me back in December to write a guest post for her.

I replied with the proper mix of decorum and enthusiasm, but y'all should have seen me bouncing off the walls when she asked. 

Because it's not just any old blog, but the blog to promote her documentary-in-progress by the same name. 

"How To Lose Your Virginity" Trailer from Trixie Films on Vimeo.

So you understand the sheer amount of squee that just had to ensue when she emailed me, right? It's like, the most suitable person ever to read (and like!) my blog.

After several emails back and forth with Therese, the theme of my guest post emerged. It discusses where I've drawn the line with sex, and why. Shockingly, it's even more personal, raw, and honest than anything I've written here. 

So please mosey on over to read "Two Become One: A Naked Look at Virginity."

And then leave a comment there (or here) with you thoughts, reactions, etc. Like how I'm a brilliant writer, and you want to give me a book deal.

Don't look at me like that. I can't help that I'm both brimming over with confidence and that I'm willing to work hard to make my dreams come true.

P.S. Remember when the boyfriend visited me a few weeks ago? Yeah, we also met up with Therese for an interview that weekend. Because we're ridiculously open about our non-sex sex life and totally comfortable discussing it on camera. Plus we're super-cute together. Like, borderline obnoxious.

Blog Hopping... Like Bar Hopping, But Free!

Join Us For The Chickadette Blog Hop!!

So there's this new blog called The Blog Tap that I just love. Started by one of my favorite bloggers (aka Lauren of Our Crazy Ever After), it's basically a blog community. Which is awesome because I'm all about community. And blogging.

Ashley Marie of Chicadette just posted about a Blog Hop, which sounds like a fun party with lots of dancing Grease style. However, I have been informed that it's not exactly like that. It's a way to broaden the reader base of all us little bloggers that could.

What does Ashley Marie suggest?

So let's see if we can gain a significant following of random people who genuinely take interest in your blog! I suggest a link-up like no other I've seen!

Starting February 1, 2012
 

THE BLOGGERS FROM ANOTHA MOTHA FACEBOOK ANONYMOUS SHARE PARTY LINK UP THINGY

 

Let's take this link up thing a couple of steps farther, starting with Facebook.

Let's help some sista's out.

Take my pledge. I dare you.

I pledge for one week, every day, to post the link URL of a different blogger's website.

There are bazillions of people on Facebook and just think of the potential exposure of one person posting your URL for their 500 friends to see.

Let's promote new bloggers and make some new friends in the mean time!

If you're interested, LINK UP! and DO IT NOW! That way, when we launch and all of my readers and your readers and so on read about this link up your name will already be on the list of people who want their blog shared!

thesimplestRULESever:

1. Post a blog about this link up and link up, of course!

2. For the next 5 days pick a different blogger from this link up and post their url in your Blog Facebook Page's 'Status' box.

3. *optional* Leave that blogger a comment on their post about this link up letting them know you picked them that day!

Now, for myself, I'm adapting this slightly. I blog anonymously, so my blog and my facebook are not connected. However, I will sporadically over the next week post to facebook and be like "Hey, just read this awesome blog post!" I will also tweet to my anonymous twitter about the same blog. In other words, I'll still be linking the blogs around, just with a bit more subtlety.

Be Our Guest!

I started this blog because I was tired of how people reacted when they found out I was technically still a virgin. Obviously, I have great friends, and they don't care one way or the other. But I interact with a lot of people, some of whom never surpass being an acquaintance. And then when I add in guys I've dated or almost dated or just hooked up with. Basically, tons of people who equate virgins with freaks of nature.

I started this blog to inform the general populace, to educate the masses, that no, I'm not a freak of a nature. In fact, if I may be so bold, I'm pretty awesome, albeit in an off-beat, nerdy way.

I started this blog to reach out to other intentional virgins. To let them know other virgins are out there.

As I near my six-month "anniversary," I must confess, I am having a blast with this blog. I'm doing everything I set out to do and more.

• writing about virginity
• clearing up some virginity myths
• privately corresponding with readers
• putting my whole private life on display for examination
• discovering other blogs about virginity, sex, relationships, religion, online dating, au pairing/nannying, sorority life, writing/publishing, Paris, feminism, following your dreams...
• finding out I'm not alone in my beliefs
• helping my readers find out they're not alone either!

But now it's time to hear from y'all! Both the boyfriend and some of my friends have volunteered to write (anonymous) guest posts, with a range of topics: online dating, sex/virginity, male virginity, loss of virginity, social expectations, etc. I'm going to send out an email soon, requesting guest submissions, but I want reader input! What questions do you have? What stories do you want to hear? Are there any myths you want busted?

I would also love some guest posts from my readers, not just my friend group. If you are interested in writing a guest post for me, let me know! I'm still writing out my guidelines, which will partly be based on feedback. The overall theme of my blog is making decisions for yourself and respecting the choices of others. Anything that falls within that is welcome--not just posts on virginity!

Please leave a comment or shoot me an email with your thoughts on guest posts, or if you're interested in writing one for me.

Bisous, B.V.

 

"Be Our Guest" from Beauty & the Beast