The Boyfriend and OKC (Part One): Desperate Men and Shy Women

Oh. Em. Gee! You guys!!!! Yes, I'm dating the most amazing man ever, who loves me so much that not only does he support me blogging about our love life, but look! He wrote the very first guest post (requests for more guest posts coming soon--big thanks for my volunteers!) to be featured here! *le sigh* I'm a lucky lucky lady... But without further ado, an introduction to online dating, in his own words...

Hello to everyone out there. Here I am... Man friend, boyfriend, beau_vierge, whatever you want to call me (I don’t need to be anon, but Belle wants to be, and I support that). Belle asked for guest posts, and I finally got the time to write one. So here it goes.*

*Warning, this post will read like it’s written by an engineer. Sorry, I can’t help it. It may contain math, statistics, and excessive logic.

I joined OKC back in April of 2010. Yeah, that’s a crazy long time ago. OKC was a new site at the time, and I LOVED the statistics it used. Match percentages, algorithms, and the best part, OKTrends. I had tried a few dating websites before, but only free ones. I looked at the pay dating sites, but they are all run like scams. Sure, just sign right up, and then we’ll tell you how much the monthly cost is...

More than them not saying the price, the worst part about pay dating sites is the incentives. The incentive is for them to make money, right? Well, the billing system is set up on a unit time basis... So the longer you are on the dating site, the more money they make. Sounds like their incentive is for you NOT to find dates. For a more detailed explanation, check out this website: http://static.izs.me/why-you-should-never-pay-for-online-dating.html

Note that it’s an archived page because OKTrends took it down... Which brings me to yet another reason I am excessively lucky. I found Belle just after Match.com acquired OKC, and thus their website is in decline, and my favorite part, OKTrends, died. As a result, I would have quit the site and missed meeting the woman of my dreams.

But this isn’t what you came here for, listening to me rant about pay dating websites--it was to hear about my experience. Well, I think this is a good lead-in as to why online dating is fundamentally broken. There are two simple reasons:

1) Pay sites are in the business of keeping you single

2) Free sites have no controls to weed people out

Let me explain the general dating game as portrayed in OKTrends: Men spam women. Women don’t read spam.

Let me give you my numbers: During my roughly 1.3 years of using OKC, I had a total of 103 conversations. Of those 103, 16 were initiated by someone else (usually female, but 2 were from males). Out of those 87 messages that I sent out seeking love, I received a reply 32 times. Wow, less than half of women on the online dating site were even willing to say anything, even if it was “no, thanks” (for reference, I replied to every single one of the 16 sent to me).

Ok, so let’s finish with the numbers since I started them... Out of those 32 replies, 29 turned into a conversation consisting of several messages (what can I say, I will have a conversation with just about anybody). Out of those 29, 10 turned into an actual, real-life meeting. Out of those 10, 5 consisted of more than one meeting. And out of those 5, there was only one Belle.

Now admittedly, I probably could have turned more of those conversations into dates if it weren’t for living in a small town in the middle of nowhere STATE CENSORED BY BELLE. I would assume that living in an urban area would greatly increase my date potential. I am thankful Belle was willing to put up with a long-distance relationship, because many women aren’t, especially at our age.

So now you know the stats of my online dating experience... Stay tuned for Part Two which reveals my strategy for getting the most out of online dating, finding a special someone,** and how I got lucky.***

**Warning: May take actual effort on your part.

***The term “got lucky” could refer to having sex, but as you are on this website... Yeah, you can figure out that I mean I am dating the wonderful Belle, and despite our virginities remaining intact, am still getting lucky every time I get to talk to her, see her on skype, and yes, have all the non-sex sex we can.

Oxymoron: A Virgin's Sex Life

“How was the non-sex sex?”

So began my gchat discussion with my bestie and sorority sister Lauren when I returned home from Thanksgiving with the boyfriend. What followed was a brief overview of our physical relationship and how amazing it is when we're together (although the skype sex is fun too). Of course, then Lauren and I (and her boyfriend, another bestie of mine, Hardy) skyped two nights later, during which I provided a blow-by-blow (pun unintended) account of Thanksgiving with the boyfriend and his family.

Everything from him surprising me with a rose at the airport to showering together to playing board games with his family to falling asleep in his arms to all of us going to see The Muppets.

Of course, the highlight of the weekend was the post-climatic cuddling Thursday night. My head rested on his chest, and he had one arm around me, with his other hand entwined with mine. He told me that he had dreamed about this moment, but in his dream, I told him I loved him.

Why, yes, that sound you heard is my heart bursting out of my chest because I am so in love with him.

I got the biggest smile on my face and said that it had been so so hard not saying it the last few weeks (even if it is all over twitter...), but that I didn't want our first time to be over skype. He agreed with that sentiment. Then I said that I had planned on telling him that day, but didn't know when to say it. He said he didn't mind saying it first. "I'm in love, what can I say?"

Ughhhh, he's so perfect, and I'm so lucky.

Did you know that he's my first boyfriend? That I'm in my 20s, and I've just now fallen in love with my first boyfriend? That I could have had one years ago if I had settled for my best friend Joe? (Which would have pleased both of our families and all of our friends immensely, by the way).

Do you have any idea how challenging it was to find a man who doesn't pressure me about our physical relationship? A man who's assertive in expressing his desire for me, but who also moves at a pace that makes me comfortable? A man who's made the same commitment to waiting for marriage? (And for non-religious reasons, just like I have!)

Most of the time, I enjoyed being single, but the older I got, the more difficult it became. People started acting like there was something wrong with me for having never had a boyfriend. Yes, you're right, I do differ from the majority of the population in a quirky way.

I have standards.

#sorrynotsorry

Those standards involve not having sex until marriage, which automatically eliminates the vast majority of folks in their 20s. Couple that with my feminist streak a mile wide, and you can understand my extremely limited dating pool.

But I waited and waited and waited until I met the boyfriend, and he's everything I ever desired in a significant other. When I told my best friend Ryan about the boyfriend, his response summed up everything I've been feeling.

“So happy for you. You kept the faith that you would find someone amazing, you didn't settle, and you have been rewarded.”

The best part about dating a fellow virgin who agrees that premarital sex is not a sin?

Completely losing ourselves in all the non-sex sex. ;)