The Boyfriend and OKC (Part One): Desperate Men and Shy Women

Oh. Em. Gee! You guys!!!! Yes, I'm dating the most amazing man ever, who loves me so much that not only does he support me blogging about our love life, but look! He wrote the very first guest post (requests for more guest posts coming soon--big thanks for my volunteers!) to be featured here! *le sigh* I'm a lucky lucky lady... But without further ado, an introduction to online dating, in his own words...

Hello to everyone out there. Here I am... Man friend, boyfriend, beau_vierge, whatever you want to call me (I don’t need to be anon, but Belle wants to be, and I support that). Belle asked for guest posts, and I finally got the time to write one. So here it goes.*

*Warning, this post will read like it’s written by an engineer. Sorry, I can’t help it. It may contain math, statistics, and excessive logic.

I joined OKC back in April of 2010. Yeah, that’s a crazy long time ago. OKC was a new site at the time, and I LOVED the statistics it used. Match percentages, algorithms, and the best part, OKTrends. I had tried a few dating websites before, but only free ones. I looked at the pay dating sites, but they are all run like scams. Sure, just sign right up, and then we’ll tell you how much the monthly cost is...

More than them not saying the price, the worst part about pay dating sites is the incentives. The incentive is for them to make money, right? Well, the billing system is set up on a unit time basis... So the longer you are on the dating site, the more money they make. Sounds like their incentive is for you NOT to find dates. For a more detailed explanation, check out this website: http://static.izs.me/why-you-should-never-pay-for-online-dating.html

Note that it’s an archived page because OKTrends took it down... Which brings me to yet another reason I am excessively lucky. I found Belle just after Match.com acquired OKC, and thus their website is in decline, and my favorite part, OKTrends, died. As a result, I would have quit the site and missed meeting the woman of my dreams.

But this isn’t what you came here for, listening to me rant about pay dating websites--it was to hear about my experience. Well, I think this is a good lead-in as to why online dating is fundamentally broken. There are two simple reasons:

1) Pay sites are in the business of keeping you single

2) Free sites have no controls to weed people out

Let me explain the general dating game as portrayed in OKTrends: Men spam women. Women don’t read spam.

Let me give you my numbers: During my roughly 1.3 years of using OKC, I had a total of 103 conversations. Of those 103, 16 were initiated by someone else (usually female, but 2 were from males). Out of those 87 messages that I sent out seeking love, I received a reply 32 times. Wow, less than half of women on the online dating site were even willing to say anything, even if it was “no, thanks” (for reference, I replied to every single one of the 16 sent to me).

Ok, so let’s finish with the numbers since I started them... Out of those 32 replies, 29 turned into a conversation consisting of several messages (what can I say, I will have a conversation with just about anybody). Out of those 29, 10 turned into an actual, real-life meeting. Out of those 10, 5 consisted of more than one meeting. And out of those 5, there was only one Belle.

Now admittedly, I probably could have turned more of those conversations into dates if it weren’t for living in a small town in the middle of nowhere STATE CENSORED BY BELLE. I would assume that living in an urban area would greatly increase my date potential. I am thankful Belle was willing to put up with a long-distance relationship, because many women aren’t, especially at our age.

So now you know the stats of my online dating experience... Stay tuned for Part Two which reveals my strategy for getting the most out of online dating, finding a special someone,** and how I got lucky.***

**Warning: May take actual effort on your part.

***The term “got lucky” could refer to having sex, but as you are on this website... Yeah, you can figure out that I mean I am dating the wonderful Belle, and despite our virginities remaining intact, am still getting lucky every time I get to talk to her, see her on skype, and yes, have all the non-sex sex we can.

Be Our Guest!

I started this blog because I was tired of how people reacted when they found out I was technically still a virgin. Obviously, I have great friends, and they don't care one way or the other. But I interact with a lot of people, some of whom never surpass being an acquaintance. And then when I add in guys I've dated or almost dated or just hooked up with. Basically, tons of people who equate virgins with freaks of nature.

I started this blog to inform the general populace, to educate the masses, that no, I'm not a freak of a nature. In fact, if I may be so bold, I'm pretty awesome, albeit in an off-beat, nerdy way.

I started this blog to reach out to other intentional virgins. To let them know other virgins are out there.

As I near my six-month "anniversary," I must confess, I am having a blast with this blog. I'm doing everything I set out to do and more.

• writing about virginity
• clearing up some virginity myths
• privately corresponding with readers
• putting my whole private life on display for examination
• discovering other blogs about virginity, sex, relationships, religion, online dating, au pairing/nannying, sorority life, writing/publishing, Paris, feminism, following your dreams...
• finding out I'm not alone in my beliefs
• helping my readers find out they're not alone either!

But now it's time to hear from y'all! Both the boyfriend and some of my friends have volunteered to write (anonymous) guest posts, with a range of topics: online dating, sex/virginity, male virginity, loss of virginity, social expectations, etc. I'm going to send out an email soon, requesting guest submissions, but I want reader input! What questions do you have? What stories do you want to hear? Are there any myths you want busted?

I would also love some guest posts from my readers, not just my friend group. If you are interested in writing a guest post for me, let me know! I'm still writing out my guidelines, which will partly be based on feedback. The overall theme of my blog is making decisions for yourself and respecting the choices of others. Anything that falls within that is welcome--not just posts on virginity!

Please leave a comment or shoot me an email with your thoughts on guest posts, or if you're interested in writing one for me.

Bisous, B.V.

 

"Be Our Guest" from Beauty & the Beast

Me & OKC (Part Two): Why I Only Kissed French Men, but Didn't Date Them

Remember that time I tried online dating in France? And I was totally sold on it after meeting Ron,* and then sorta, kinda, not exactly dating him for a few months?

Then, of course, I met the boyfriend this summer via okcupid.com as well, so, clearly, my whole little venture into online dating has been nothing but fun-filled thrills.

Right. I'm also a vegan nonvirgin Buddhist who considers Starbucks an unnecessary luxury.**

What I glossed over when describing my first meeting with Ron is that I then met up with another guy shortly afterward. This time, a French computer programmer or video-game designer or something like that. He had first contacted me after reading my profile and seeing how blasé I was (and still am, always have been) about having Crohn's disease. I'm always wary of my fellow Crohnies thinking we have some sort of cosmic connection because we share a fucked up digestive system, but Frédéric* was funny in both French and in English, and it was easy to IM with him in both languages. I'm charming both online and in person, so I assumed he would also be fun in person.

Well.

Apparently someone can be amusing and bilingual online, but SUPER-AWKWARD and thickly-accented in person. Let's see if I can find my message to Ron after our first rendez-vous.

“I enjoyed meeting you too!! Kelly* & I both found it really enjoyable chatting with you and not at all forced or awkward...


...unlike my second okcupid meeting of the day, a few hours later. Ughhhh. He's like, nice and all, and it's been surprisingly easy to IM him even in French, but in person, I was checking my watch after 30 minutes, and then it was like every 15 minutes. Luckily he's originally from Marseille, so Kelly was able to keep the conversation going in that aspect. So not telling him next time I'm in Paris.


But I'll let you know. :) ”

Y'all.

It was seriously one of the longest, most uncomfortable hours (hour and a half? two hours?) in my life. I kept on hinting that we were tired, and he thought that meant we should switch to English instead of French. I just wanted to shake him and say, “Noooo, trying to understand your horribly-accented, broken English is more fatiguing than chatting in French.” I don't know what I would've done if I hadn't been traveling with my friend Kelly, who was teaching English in Marseille. I think the majority of the conversation ended up being about different places they both knew in the city. Oh, Lord. It was just awful.

But, hey. At least now I have an amusing anecdote to share with the blogosphere.

Next time, on OKC & Me...

The arrogant Ph.D. student from Yale and the asshole cheapskate who had apparently never seen breasts before.

*Les noms faux, comme toujours

**Not that there would be anything wrong with these qualities. But I love bacon almost as much as the boyfriend, and I've had a much longer relationship with Starbucks than I have had with him too. Also I'm vaguely Christian.